The Unfair Sexual Double Standard Inflicted On Women
The belief that women should be held to a higher standard than men is not a new one. However, despite its age, it seems to be fully intact. Since the beginning of time women have been expected to be perfectly modest, especially when it comes to sex. Women have been expected to wear clothing that doesn’t show off their bodies and to save themselves for marriage, while men are free to wear what they want and have as many partners as they please. Society has decided that women are not to be sexual beings, but only sexual to satisfy a man’s needs. The sexual double standard inflicted on women is a result of social conditioning, which rewards men and sanctions women for the same behaviors, suggests men are entitled to sex while women are not, and brands women who are openly sexual as not “lady-like”.
To begin with, the contradiction between the sexual standards of men and women is seen in how men are praised for actions women are put down for. Men are celebrated for having multiple partners, yet women are looked at as promiscuous when they do. This is often seen in cases of premarital sex, for which men are praised for having and women are discouraged from having. Also, men boast of their sexual endeavors in what society calls “locker room talk”, while women are expected to keep their intimate experiences to themselves. Such “locker room talks” are often crude, and indecent when describing the experience, furthering that women are viewed as sexual objects to men. In fact, our former president, Donald Trump, has infamously stated “Grab ‘em by the pussy” during what he claims was locker room talk (Makela). Thus proving that even the most influential of men partake in these vulgar discussions. The media erupted with criticism and zero privacy when intimate photos of Representative Katie Hill were released, Hill was immediately bashed by the public and the media, forcing her to step down (Franks). Hill’s affair was a consensual one, yet, many men in Congress have had proven, non-consensual affairs and are able to keep their seats in politics and maintain respect from the majority of society. These exposed photos would not, and have not, ruined a man’s career as they did Katie’s. Despite clear points, society still chooses to ignore the fact that women are put down for actions men are applauded for. However, in a study by Social Psychology Quarterly, it was found that boys are much more likely to be accepted by their peers for having a higher number of sexual partners. (Kreager and Staff). This proves that misogyny is still very much alive and well in the U.S. Women are still expected to carry themselves with modesty and class while their male counterparts are rewarded for speaking out about their sex lives.
Another way the biased norms of sexuality are encountered is how society implies sex is necessary for men, but not women. To start off with, the media greatly oversexualizes women for the entertainment of men. This can be seen in advertisements, music, movies, TV shows, and all other forms of media. Many popular rap songs, targeted at kids, teens, and young adults, have vulgar lyrics about sex and women’s bodies. This is clearly seen in the popular rapper A Boogie wit da Hoodie’s song “Swervin”. The song states “I want you to get up on your knees and your toes” as well as “catch her waiting in the lobby, and I’ma give her this d***.” These lyrics promote that sex is to be enjoyable for men more so than women. Unfortunately, a lot of America’s youth, especially boys, listen to music like this every day. Along with that, many people associate being a man with having sex. This is clearly shown in the book “Now That We’re Men: A Play and True-Life Accounts of Boys, Sex, & Power”. The book illustrates how boys talk about sex and tend to objectify women in the process (Cart). The book was written to show how men view sex, even using real stories written by different men. It even goes on to close with a scene of a date rape, which leads me to my next point, that many defend rape culture on the argument that men are entitled to sex. The American Psychological Association found that entitlement in men is directly linked to rape-related variables (Hill and Fischer). The right to sex cannot be used as an excuse for rape, because sex is not lawfully a right. We, as a society, are the ones telling men it’s okay because they deserve it, well they don’t. You are not deserving of sex because of what a woman is wearing, or what she priorly said. In response to this, Twitter user Michaela Okland has started an account called “She Rates Dogs,” where women can send in their stories about creepy men approaching them through direct messages and she posts them to spread awareness and hold men accountable. Through this, she has started the “Girls Fuck” movement, encouraging women to be open about their sexual experiences. She has created a safe space on the internet for girls to be honest about their sexuality and how it affects them. Despite the negative effect of the double standard, it has given large groups of women something to bond over and try their best to fix.
The final way society has projected its sexist prejudice on women is by slut-shaming openly sexual women. To start off with, women who enjoy sex and talk about their experiences are branded as not “ladylike” or “slutty.” A true lady is expected to save herself for her husband, yet women who do are declared prudes. It seems as though there is no right way to be a sexual woman. If you take a look at everyday female celebrities, they are constantly being shamed for being candidly sexual. Famous model, Emily Ratajkowski, is known for posting sensual pictures as an art form and has 26 million followers on Instagram who enjoy her posts. However, the comments on her posts are mostly hate, from men and women. One man writes “Why people can’t just make this PRIVATE!!! People just don’t have decency nowadays…”. A woman even comments “Oh c’mon! We all know that the only objective of this post is to get people’s attention on your body!”. The comments go on, every single one of her posts is filled with them from all different types of people. This shows that it’s not just men shaming women, it’s everyone. On the internet, many people don’t look at Emily as a person, but as a body. What these internet trolls don’t realize is that she’s using her body to spread a message that women are allowed to be sexual. Not only does she post seductive photos, but she also posts pictures from women’s marches, as well as advocating for young people to vote. She shatters the misconception that a woman can only be brains or beauty, she is so much more than just a body. Looking through all these comments made me think about my experiences of being slut shamed and I started to wonder how many other girls of my young age have been too. I decided to put a poll on my Instagram asking my female followers to vote if they have or haven’t been slut shamed. As the results came in my heart sank with every “yes,” so many girls I knew had experienced the same shame I felt. In the end, there were 51 votes for yes and 21 for no, meaning 71% of the girls surveyed had experienced the humiliation of being slut-shamed (Xanthopoulos). Most of the girls that answered were friends, or friends of friends, normal girls, some still in high school, some not even of legal age yet. Seeing the faces and names of girls I knew shifted my perspective, this is not just happening to celebrities, Instagram influencers, or politicians, this is happening to all women, some only girls.
Furthermore, it is important to note that the sexual double standard in the United States goes beyond just gender, as it impacts women of color differently than it does white women. The article A multidimensional framework for the meanings of the sexual double standard and its application for the sexual health of young black women in the U.S.explains the good girl/bad girl dichotomy women face in the United States in which women are labeled as pure and good or promiscuous and bad. For Black women in the United States, this dichotomy intersects with the history and consequences of slavery and racism to create a culture that stigmatizes Black women’s sexuality. The article mentions that historically, Black women’s sexuality was juxtaposed against the idealized image of a white woman’s submissive, pure form of sexuality to categorize them into the bad girl stereotype (Fasula). With that, Black women have been historically hypersexualized and subjected to stereotypes that label them as promiscuous. These stereotypes further contribute to the sexualization of women’s bodies and lead to unfair assumptions of a person’s sexual behavior. These stereotypes not only impact how others view Black women but also how women subjected to them view themselves. Stereotypes may be easily internalized which can impact one’s self-esteem and mental health as women may find it difficult to grapple with society’s expectations and judgments surrounding their sexuality. The sexual double standard Black women face in the United States may also impact their interpersonal relationships, as they may be objectified or fetishized based on the stereotypes they face, reducing them to sexualized characters and devaluing their emotional, intellectual, and personal qualities. In order to address this issue, we must first acknowledge the intersection between gender and race and how they each impact the sexual double standard. We can start to dismantle harmful stereotypes by advocating for media representation that portrays the diverse experiences and identities of Black women.
Despite the facts, some people are still ignorant enough to choose to ignore the issue. These people believe that women aren’t expected to be as “lady-like” as they once were, claim that women aren’t held to a higher standard than men, but an equal one, and deny the fact that media promotes men’s sex lives over women’s. Even though women aren’t held to the same standards as they were in the 1950s, they are still held to unrealistic ones. Many women still feel pressured to save themselves for marriage in order to have a successful marriage. In fact, the Institute for Family Studies reported that in recent years women with over ten prior sexual partners are much more likely to get a divorce than women with one prior sexual partner (Wolfinger). Thus, proving that these women’s concern for a better marriage is a just one. To progress forward from that, people who ignore the sexist prejudice placed on women claim that women aren’t held to a higher standard than men. This is simply untrue. When Bill Clinton had his infamous affair, he still left the White House with a 65% approval rate, which is still increasing today. However, when his wife, Hillary, began her race for president she caught a lot of slack for her husband’s affair (Schrobsdorff). Hillary was hated and torn apart because of an affair her husband committed, which has nothing to do with her. This proves that even a woman running for president is still only looked at as who she is married to, not as an individual. The final reason some people deny the sexual shame put on women is that they reject that the media promotes intimacy and pleasure for men, yet not women. To reject the fact that advertisements, TV, movies, and most of all, social media encourage sex for men while simultaneously undermining women for wanting sex, simply doesn’t make sense. DJ Khaled, an artist with over 19 million followers on Instagram, explains that he does not perform oral sex on women because he makes the money in the relationship. He even goes on to say, “It’s different rules for men. You gotta understand, we the king. There are some things that y’all might not wanna do, but it got to get done. I just can’t do what you want me to do. I just can’t.” (Aggeler). Not only is this blatant sexism, but the interview was broadcast to millions of impressionable people through the radio and social media. Social media is giving these big stars a platform to say whatever they want with little to no repercussions, especially in the case of sexuality. New music comes out every day that degrades women. Women are constantly exploited on social media for men’s pleasure, so much so that there’s even an entire Wikipedia page on it.
The sexual bias put on women is a product of brainwashing by a society favored by men, applauding men for actions women are shamed for, implying sex is necessary for a man’s life but not a woman’s, and stigmatizing unashamedly sexual women. Women are still having trouble in their marriages due to their prior sexual history. US Representative Katie Hill was judged and forced to leave her job because of actions that some of her male counterparts also experienced. Worst of all, women are over-sexualized in the media daily for men’s pleasure and profits. The stigma surrounding women as sexual beings is improving, but there is still a long way to go. We have to confront people of their toxic masculinity and embedded misogyny, otherwise, it will only get worse. No more “boys will be boys”, no, boys will be held accountable. This is not the legacy we want to be passed on to our daughters.
I wrote this essay in college for a class I couldn't even tell you the name of, but it's one of my favorites. It's funny how college works that way. I'm unsure what I took from that class besides the passion to write this essay, and that's okay. I recently revisited this essay, and I think I will do it again and again and again. This story feels never-ending to me, there will always be something to add to it. Someday I want to really go in on this one, add more nuance, more identity, and more me to make it less of an assignment.
This piece was inspired from a place of love, longing, frustration, and passion. I also took inspiration from that viral video of the woman on the street being interviewed, saying her body is not a political playground and a slut is what she made it, a boss, someone who takes the mic. Samirah, if you have no fans- I am dead.
Ladies, you are always at the forefront of my mind, I love you always.
Works Cited
Aggeler Madeline, “DJ Khaled Explains Why He Doesn’t Go Down On Women,” The Cut,Published 4, May 2018.
Cart, Michael. "Now That We're Men: A Play and True Life Accounts of Boys, Sex & Power." Booklist, vol. 116, no. 9-10, 1 Jan. 2020, p. 62. Gale General OneFile.
Fasula, Amy M., et al. “A multidimensional framework for the meanings of the sexual double standard and its application for the sexual health of young black women in the U.S.” The Journal of Sex Research, vol. 51, no. 2, 13 Nov. 2012, pp. 170–183, https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2012.716874.
Franks Mary Ann, “The Photos of Katie Hill Had Nothing to do with Her Conduct.” The Washington Post. Published 30, October 2019.
Hill, M. S., & Fischer, A. R. (2001). Does entitlement mediate the link between masculinity and rape-related variables? Journal of Counseling Psychology,
Kreager, Derek A. and Staff Jeremy “The Sexual Double Standard and Adolescent Peer Acceptance,” US National Library of Medicine National Institutes of Health. Published June 2009.
Makela, Mark. “Transcript: Donald Trump’s Taped Comments About Women.” The New York Times. Published 8, October 2016.
Schrobsdorff Susanna, “Why Hillary Clinton Still Can’t Escape Her Husband’s Misdeeds.” Times Magazine. Published January 14, 2016
Wolfinger Nicholas H., “Counterintuitive Trends in the Link Between Premarital Sex and Marital Stability.” Institute for Family Studies. Published June 6, 2016.
Xanthopoulos, Elizabeth. “Online Survey on Slut Shaming” April 1, 2020
